Rome, For Lovers

[impoetry]

She hit me so hard I’m the atheist on the phone God, crying over my belief in the obviously untrue. 

“Well, faith is a complicated subject,” They responded.  

The “Just-Another-Girl" that blew in on the summer wind ended up being the one I had to give my everything to believe I was worth anything. 

You don’t realize you’ve been robbed until you turn around and realize there’s no heart left in your dreams, work, or future.  

“I swear this is where I left it, behind these heavily armed walls to guard it,” I said. 

“You left the eastern defenses vulnerable to her phalanx,” God chimed in. 

“I don’t really know if you’re any help right now, God.” 

“Oh, and the aqueduct wasn’t even being watched.” 

“Where would I be without you?” 

“Likely surrendering your heart to any harlequin novel with a half-torn cover, by the looks of it.” 

Sometimes looking for the simple answer to complicated quandaries leads to insults of biblical proportions.  

With your heart absent you begin to look for the rest of your belongings, things touched by love’s recklessness. You had no idea just how deep her infection had grown until you notice her calling card draped across many, if not all of your favorite things. 

“Backstreets is my favorite song of all time. I’ve never ever allowed anyone to be associated with it before,” I said.  

“Kind of fitting actually, if you examine the lyrics,” God said. 

“.....,” I glared, with the side eye of the devil” 

“Like Springsteen wrote it for your relationship.” 

This girl was so intertwined with my entire being that the mere words, “the jury’s out” is somehow now in a file in my mind’s hard drive labeled, “Your Bitch Ass Got Caught, Brian”. Comedians from Eddie Izzard and Tim Minchin to films like Fantastic Mr. Fox and THE GRINCH of all things, all now neatly covered in a miasmic ooze of her treachery.   
And it hurts. Obviously. But what really stings, what really turns the knot of barbed wire and rose thorns in the hole where my heart used to be is that she didn’t return the favor. A year and a half in and she never sat me down to watch her favorite films. Ones that I already knew I loved on my own. Absolute freebies, an easy congress of heartfelt art.  

“That’s pretty ruff, but I think the dog thing is likely worse,” God punned. 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?” I asked 

“Not at all. I didn’t invent humor. That was an evolution of irony. Like the platypus.” 

She trained me to be a father to her dog, a situation that that arrived with chariots bearing only red flags. 

“Going back to the Roman theme?” God asked. 

“MANIFESTE!” 

“Oh, how sad that she didn’t leave on your birthday, mid-March.” 

“Hey God, I thought roasting was the other guy’s job.” 

**both look directly into camera 

I knew better. It sounded sweet, and perfect, but absolutely like the most dangerous thing I could have done, save for providing the DNA for an actual child, something my lovelorn heart now kinda sort of wishes I’d done?!? 

“Jesus” 

“I know,” I said.  

She broke down my walls. I didn’t need to be a dog’s daddy, but I cherished it more than the breath required to whimper about how much I miss her. I wasn’t ready for anything real and here I am, almost two months from oblivion, mathematically calculating every possible error in my love’s work. The journey I’ve taken walking away from our ashes has led me to everything she ever wanted, and things I had no idea I needed, adding insult to the irony. 

“Like the platypus,” God said. 

“ET TU GOD???” 

 

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

This is brilliant!

[impoetry]

Thank you so muchhhhh!!!

[bsgsix]

There are definitely a lot of things to question post-breakup (especially knowing - a bit of this story in real form), and red flags that we don't SEE as red flags until after. Making you the actual "father" of her dog was a big sign, but love ruins our vision: we don't see what we don't want to see.

And it sucks when a relationship ruins the things you once love. That's a relatable thing: there are songs that are no longer "mine." Movies I don't watch. Things that trigger me into uselessness. It's hard as HELL.

I had a hard time reading this because of the format (my computer wouldn't show the full document, and then kept me locked on the second page, and there was nothing on page four - not that I could see, so I'm worried I missed content), but I feel your hurt. I like the back-and-forths with a semi-jovial, witty God, but you know I ache for your actual sorrow. <3

[impoetry]

It's been such a battle. You question yourself. "Was my radar not on?". I'm fucking old as hell, how did I fall in love like a puppy? It's getting better every day.

But still, it's hard to reconcile the idea that your complete absence makes someone else's life better.

Thank you for reading and commenting!

[murielle]

I went through this with someone close to me who spent about a year reclaiming the world she had made herself part of with him after they broke up. It was necessary for him. I remember advising him to do it, but I didn't mean with me! LOL! We just have very different tastes so the places were places I'd never, ever go. But I was there for him, I will always be there for him. And he's happy now.

And I pray that you'll be happy too.

(Hugs)


Oh! Right, the writing! Well, I'm relating like crazy and forgetting to do my Idol job so well done you! :-)

[impoetry]

Thank you so much. <3

[gunwithoutmusic]

I love this line: “Likely surrendering your heart to any harlequin novel with a half-torn cover, by the looks of it.”

You have such a way with sneaking in really, really clever metaphors like they're just nothing, but that particular line just stopped me dead.

And God I know this feeling - you share a part of your life with someone and that someone taints those parts forever, whether things stay good or things go south, that is a part of your life that can never be for you alone again. There are still songs that I hear that remind me of bad relationships, but they were mine before and I want them to be mine again, so I still listen and desperately wait for the day when what I had before will come back, and wonder if it ever will.

Really good work :)

[impoetry]

Thank you, my love. Now I question sharing anything with anyone. I don't trust myself.

[halfshellvenus]

I'm so sorry for the truth of what's behind this, but I loved the style and the bittersweet humor.

“Not at all. I didn’t invent humor. That was an evolution of irony. Like the platypus.”
This, and all the conversations with God, were just terrific. Funny, but full of pangs from all the parts that were also true.

The part you mentioned about not sharing her favorite things... that's the kind of thing you might not notice at the time, but in retrospect, the refusal to be fully 'known' is a very bad sign in a relationship. And you deserved better. :(

[impoetry]

Thank you so much, my love. I didn't plan it, but in the end, I fell in love with God being the antagonist, but like, the antagonist I needed? Unhelpfully helpful?

[halfshellvenus]

Unhelpfully helpful?
Yes! That's exactly how it came across. Tough truths, sometimes bruisingly phrased, but also funny. It was perfect. :)

[flipflop_diva]

This is really heartbreaking. It reads really humorous at first, but underneath there is such a sense of raw sadness. And I'm really, really sorry that you're going through this (or at least, I assume from the other comments that it's a true story).

[impoetry]

Thank you, I appreciate it. It's still so raw, but getting better.

[eeyore_grrl]

"LIKE THE PLATYPUS!"

I agree with flipflop_diva. It's both sweet and sad at the same time. Thank you for writing.

[impoetry]

No, thank you!

[alycewilson]

I love the meta quality of this, the sort of internal jokes that I know all make sense to you and that, in their nonsensical quality, push this into the poetic. That's always been my favorite aspect of your writing.

Now about the personal side: I'm so sorry you're going through this. But at the same time, I see you finding yourself and discovering strengths that maybe you didn't realize you had. You're going to be OK.

And hey, the thing about those pop cultural things you shared, you loved them because YOU loved them. Maybe you let her in on them for a while, but they never stopped being yours. I am notorious for warming up in-jokes for new people, so that I can keep telling them. I still hold onto habits instilled in me by former loves. Why? Because they're mine now. Part of me. And that's one of the most wonderful things about being human: how we enrich our existence with the fluff and sparkle of our experiences.

[megatronix]

LOL, I love the platypus! I love "both look into the camera". And I just love how you intertwine humor and pain as they go together more often than is typically expected. You did an excellent job with this!

Signed,
Me, who is just getting around to the actual leaving of comments!